Fully gone Mental
by 2ndDegreeLove
Summary: When one has nothing left to gain or lose. . . How can equivilant exchange be relevant. graphic, yaoi, lemons later on. xxx
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

* * *

Disgust. That was the only thing he could possibly feel at this moment. Laying on a cum and blood satined mattress could do that. Make you feel worthless, used, cheap. how long had he been these men's toy? In a windowless room it's hard to keep time. For all he knew he could have been here for weeks, months even. . . but time didn't matter anymore. He spend his last "caring" time poraying to god that someone would save him . . . save him from the endless torture that now engulfed his miserable existence.

He now used that time to stare at the aging, sagging ceiling. He stopped, idely to wonder how old a building would have to be for a roofto start decomposing to such a degree. Why was he wondering a damn ceiling, when he could die at any moment! Fuck! He had just been raped an uncountable amount of times! And yet he was wondering about a fucking ceiling. Was he losing his mind? It would make sense if he was. He'd been in the dark now for so long. Waiting. Wondering when the next onslaught of pain and humiliation would come. But why does he need a mind when he's just someones fuck toy? Hmmmm. Fuck toy. Could he even be considered one of those? He never participated. When one is being fucked, don't they have to take equal part in the act, to be considered a fuck toy?

Yeah he had lost his mind. He could only use the last strand of hope that someone would come. . . and save him before his mind was completely gone . . . forever . . .


	2. Your Betrayal

Envy. Envious. Envious of the family that he never had. Of what i had. Envious of my friends. . . maybe that's why he had used them against me. Every time that he or the rest had used me _before,_ i would cry out for my friends, my family. And then . . . oh god . . . then he would fill me with a euphoric hope as they would break down the door. It didn't matter who it was, or how close to them _I _was, he would use them aginst me in the most primal ways.

_Riza . . ._

he had morphed himself into to Riza one day and broken down the door of the room in which i was being held. Gun pointed inside towards me. God i was estactic! I thought _Finally, someones come! i'm finally safe! FREE! _But. . . then . . . Riza shot me. I screamed, "Riza! What are you doing! It's me Ed!" "I know perfectly well what i'm doing Ed-Ward. . ." It was then she started to change, i started to change. My hopes, my feeling of _safety_ ,shattered, . . . as i did. The now Riza turned Envy stood above me, a black silhouette against the light from the hall. I cowered in fear as he started to reach for me . . .

_Havoc . . ._

this time, instead of breaking down the door, he used a smooth tactic, as Havoc would, of lock picking. I was awoken from a fitful slumber, by the sound of the doorknob turning. That sound always woke me up, because with it, it brought pain and humiliation. Watching the door knob slowly turning, brought a heightened sense of dread, and fear . . . until . . . he saw the cigarette. None of _them_ smoked. It was Havoc! God It was Havoc! " Havoc! Untie me get me out of here!" i yelled at him as he walked over. He sat down on the bed, right next to my chest. " . . . Havoc?" And then instead of being freed, i was being burned by his cigarette bud all over my chest. And when one cigarette had gone out, he would light up another and start again. And by the time his pack was gone . . . I had blacked out.

_Breda. . ._

buy this time you thought i would've learned to trust no on ethat came through the door, whether or not their face was one of a friend. Breda came in by just simply opening the door. "Hey cheif . . ." he said casually walking over, sitting down on the bed, " . . . wanna play a game . . . " i was then raped again by a familiar face.

_Fuery. . ._

he came in throught the door after taking the hinges off. He had his communication system with him. "I found him! I found Full Metal!" He had cried into the set. Before giving me a shit eating smirk, and dropping it to the ground. He had then dismantled and built it into a sort of shocking torturous divice, all the while saying, " I repeat, Full Metal has been found, I repeat . . ." Tortured again by a familiar face.

_Roy. . ._

When Roy had come in i almost lost it. Why were they being so cruel! I thought they needed me! I thought they wanted me to creat the Philosophers stone. Why would they send the person i loved the most in! When Roy walked in, he immediately came over to the bed and stradled me, i whimpered. "Shhhhhh, baby it'll be alright" he said, as he started to take off what little i had on. It was brutal this time, I had never told Mustang of my feelings for him, and i never would. Not after this. Hell, how would i be able to look at any of my "friends" after this. When he was done, Envy didn't even bother to cover me up like any of the other times. He just let me lay there, naked, covered in cum and blood. I would never forget this. This was the last time that i ever felt hope. . .


	3. Knives and Pens

Please review guys i wanna be able to improve it. so i need some kind of criticism. :)

* * *

Your Betrayal

* * *

BANG! The door slams opens again. _Who's Envy gonna be this time? _Ed opens his eyes to take a glance, not that it would matter who it was, it all ended the same way, pain, torture, humiliation. It was Alex Armstrong, _uuuggghhhh, _ how'd Envy manage to get those sparkle things down?

* * *

"Edward?"

They had been looking for the alchemist for two and a half months now. And they had no idea that he would be here of all places. It was a routine drug bust, or at least they thought it was, but when they got here, it turned out to be so much more. It turns out that not only was the gang they busted selling drugs, they were also selling people. Prostitues. After finding that out they quickly started searching every floor and every room of the abandoned hospital that the gang had set up as their HQ. After the first 3 floors it seemed that they weren't going to find anything interesting. But now on the 5th floor, Armstrong had found The Fullmetal Alchemist, that they had been desperately searching for, tied to a mattress covered in blood, and god knows what, naked.

"Edward?"

* * *

This is odd, he thought. Wasn't Envy gonna torment him? Wasn't he gonna make some snide remark and rape him? Edward looked up again at "Armstrong" why was Envy acting this way? Why wasn't he doing anything? Why was he just standing there with that odd look on his face? It almost looked like a look of shock which didn't make sense.

" Well?" Edward looked at "Armstong".

"Aren't ya gonna start?"

* * *

Armstrong looked at the alchemist in shock, " What do you mean sta-"

"You know perfectly well what i mean, stop playing these games with my head Envy and just get it over with." Edward said in a dead sounding voice.

Armstrong was shocked to say the least.

"Edward, I'm _Armstrong_ not Envy, who's envy?"

Edward look up into Armstrong's face with dead eyes " . . .Ed-"

"Shut up."

Armstrong was taken back yet again. What had happened to young Edward for him to be behaving like this towards him. He turned towards the hall hearing shouting. "Found anything up there Armstrong?" It was havoc.

"I . . . I found Edward!" Armstrong shouted back

"WHAT! Guys he's found Ed!"

There was a loud commotion as everyone scrampled up the stairs to see if it was true.

Armstrong yelled, "STOP!"

They all stopped in their tracks in the desperaion in his voice.

* * *

Wow. Edward thought. Envy's really going out there this time. Wasn't he . . . was he? NO! of course it was all an act there was no way that this could be real, there was no way they had found him. He heard runing down the hallway. Could they really have found him? Was this nightmare finally over? Armstrong suddenly cried out. "STOP!" He knew it it was just a game. They really weren't there. He was just messing with his mind, making him hope. Just to crush his hopes by bringing them back to a cruel reality.

* * *

Armstrong turned back to the doorway as he heard laughing. A miserable laugh. An insane laugh. Why was Ed laughing?

"Edwa-"

"Every fucking time! **Every goddamn fucking time! **You raise the bar higher every time you damn scum! Why! I thought you needed me! Why are you killing me this slowly! I thought you needed me to make the philosophers stone! Or have you found it? You've found it haven't you! I knew it! Hoenheim made it didn't he! That fucking cock sucker! I knew that's why he left us, to chase after that damn thing-"

"EDWARD!"

He stopped ranting to look at "Armstrong." Why had he interrupted so calmly. Why hadn't he come over and struck him?

"what?"

"I'm _ARMSTRONG, _NOT Envy. I'm not killing you, i don't need you to make the Philosophers Stone, And I've never met your father. I'm here to take me from this pl-"

"SHUT UP! THERE'S NO WAY YOU ARE ARMSTRONG! IVE BEEN HERE TO LONG FOR ANYONE TO SAVE ME NOW!" He started writhing on the bed trying to get his wrist free from the rope, only having it dig into his flesh more, causing blood to flow down his arm, into his lifeless looking golden hair.

"ED CALM DOWN!"

But those words were lost on him as his vision started to fade and his struggles started to still, _blood loss _he thought, as his mind fell into blackness. . .

* * *

Stay tuned cause shit just got interesting rate and review please!


	4. The Misheard

They stared on in shock at the scene happening. Armstrong, standing in the hallway, yelling into the room he was standing in front of, with desperation and sadness. What was Armstrong seeing? Was Edward really in there?

Riza, Havoc, Breda, Fuery, Roy, and Hughes took in the insane laugh coming from the room. There was no way that could be Edward. But then the shouting started, that was Edwards voice . . .but why did it sound so dead?

"ED CALM DOWN!" Armstrong shouted.

Then their was silence.

"Ed?" Armstrong called. He looked closer at the room. It was covered with blood, as was Ed. With a blush he realized he had forgotten that he was naked. he quickly started to shed his coat leaving the people at the end of the hall wondering why he was shedding his clothes. He stepped into the room covering Ed with his blue military coat. He then stuck his head out the door to look at everyone waiting at the end of the hallway.

"Hughes, will you come here a moment. I need use of your knives."

Hughes hesitantly started down the hallway dreading what he will see in the room at the very end. As the came closer to the room the smell of blood wshed over him . . ._ oh god . . ._ He looked into the room catching sight of Armstrong bent over a figure on the bed, that was covered in the recently disguarded jacket. "Ed?" Hughes called out silently.

"He's passed out from the amount of blood he's lost." Armstrong said looking at Hughes. Moving his large frame just enough to see Ed wrist that was bleeding at an alarming rate.

"Shit!" Hughes entered the room, quickly taking out one of his throwing knives to cut the rope from Ed's wrist.

Ed arm flopped back onto the bed. Causing Ed to open his eyes, waking him. Seeing Hughes posed over him with his knife over him, he let out a blood curtling scream, struggling to get away from hughes as fast as he could. Landing on the floor he tried to stand, but fell down after a feeble attempt. Hughes watched this in shock, didn't Ed realize who he was? Ed quickly crawled to the door, coat haphazardly still draped over him. As soon as hemade it past the door frame, he stopped in his tracks looking at the other end of the hallway. Their stood the five faces that had tormented him for the past two months. He couldn't move, couldn't breath, he started to shake in fear, _ how was Envy doing this, and i dreaming? Another nightmare. _He looked back into the room to see Armstrong and Hughes approaching him with caution. Why? He slowly started to scoot back against the wall. _Why? _Why was Envy doing this?

"Stop" he said clutching his head with his flesh arm. Falling back onto his knees. Eveeryone who had been at the end of the hallway had unknowingly gotten close enough to see the terror in the young alchemists eyes, close enough to see his chest, and the wounds on it. Close enough to see the sunken in eyes and protruding cheekbones. _Had his captors even feed him in the past two months? _Riza thought reachingout to Ed to comfort him.

Ed screamed, " NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! N-"

"Riza don't touch him." Alex calmly said, " everyone back up."

Ed's eyes flashed in Alex's direction and flashed back to everyone else to see them back off a bit. Alex hesitantly kneeled down to pick up the coat that had fallen off of Edward.

"Ed, are you cold?" he asked quietly.

Ed looked at him nervously, and quitely answered, "yes."

" Do you want my coat, Edward? Can i help you put in on?" Alex asked looking into Ed's terrified eyes. Who had broken him this badly? This Envy person must have done horrible things to have killed Ed's spirit. He offered his coat out to Edward slowly.

Ed warrily reached out his flesh arm and quickly snatched it out of Alex's grip watching his eyes the entire time warily. He hesitanly looked down to the coat in his hand. Could he trust this Alex, was he the real Alex?

"Alchemy . . ." he said.

"What, was that Eddo?"

"Perform alchemy and i'll put the coat on . . ." he said watching Alex closely. HE wasn't going to trust this man until he knew he wasn't a homunculous.

"Why do yo-"

"Just DO IT." Ed said raising his voice a bit showing his frustration.

"Ummmm, alright then" Turning he quickly did a trade mark Armstrong move with his brass knuckles.

"Like that Ed?" Turning around he saw Ed shrug on the coat. " Would you mind helping me stand Alex?"

"Non-sense i will carry you!" Alex said.

"Alright, fine then." Shocking just about everyone there, with his sudden mood swing.

"Ed . . ." Hughes aproached.

Causing Ed to quickly grab onto Alex so he could move him in between him and hughes.

" I trust Armstrong right now, but that doesn't mean i trust the rest of you." He said flashing everyone a look.

"Eddo doesn't that seem a bit unfai-"

"NO, it does not, but the only other way that i would trust anyone else in this hallway would make you think i've lost my mind. So i'm not even going to suggest it." He said starring at the floor.

"Tell us what it is Ed." Mustang said quietly.

Ed looked up it his eyes, and Mustang flinched at the amountof hatred that was held in his eyes.

"Fine, you wanna know what it is, then you'll go first. Maes give me one of you knives." He held out his hand eys still on Mustang.

"Why on Earth would i do th-"

"Fine" edward said, reaching up to his destroyed auto mail port, feeling around for a sharp piece of metal. Findg one quickly he gave an experimental pull, this would hurt ike a bitch, but he'd been through worse. He quickly yanked it out of its place, letting out a yelp.

"Edward!" Maes shouted, "what the hell are you thinkin-"

"Shut up." He said through his teeth.

* * *

Mustang watched the seen speechless. Why was Ed acting so cold toward everyone?

"Ed . . ." Mustang said.

" Come here," Ed said quietly, " hold out your hand."

Mustang quickly stepped forward, " . . . okay"

Ed still leaning against Alex grabbed Roy's hand, ignoring the pounding of his heart, and quickly pulled off the alchemic glove and sliced the back of his hand.

" The hell!" Mustang cried out, trying to yank his hand back, but surprisingly Ed held it firm staring at the cut that was slowly leaking blood. Ed looked up into Mustangs eyes calculatingly. Then he looked back to his hand.

"Alright, Mustang, where the hell am i, and why did it take so long for you to fucking find me?"

"Ed you're, basically, in a whore house. And you left a note saying that you Resembol for a week, but after you hadn't come back we called Winry to ask if Ed was there. She said you had never arrived, and that she wasn't even expecting you.

"Ahhh," he said relesing the hand in his grip," crafty little asshole." He muttered. "I didn't leave a note Mustang."

"Then who left the note?" Mustang asked curiously.

"Envy . . . the homunculous."

Mustang took in a shocked breath," but why?"

"Envy's my brother." Edward said. Shocking everyone in the room.

"WH-"

"Can we talk about this later? Im naked and cold, and i want some food." He said embarassed.

"Alright, pick 'im up Alex, lets head to my house, and get all this shit sorted out." Mustang said stridding down the hallway. _ If Envy is his brother, then does that mean Ed's a . . ._


	5. 25 to Life

Wow over a hundred people have read this and no reviews :( thanks.

anyway guess what? i dont own fullmetal or any of the gang.

* * *

The car ride back to Mustang's, was a long, awkward one. Not only had they squeezed 8 people into the 6 passenger car, but they had made Ed sit across their laps (because he was the lightest) so they could all, somewhat, fit. This was not only uncomfortable, considering he was basically naked, but he was forced into touching 4 of the 5 people who had been torturing him for the past several months. Clinging to Alex like he was a life-line, he refused to make eye contact with any of them, opting for turning his face into the button-down Armstrong was wearing. Every bump, or turn the car made, made every cell of his body ache. He hadn't felt this weak, or abused, since his automail surgeries. In fact this pain blanched in comparison. And to make things worse, every time they would hit a bump, he would immediately tense up, making the pain all that worse.

Alex, noticing his discomfort, lightly rubbewd his back in a, somewhat, comforting gesture. Ed let out a yelp as he touched a reather tender spot, just below his ribs on the left side, cauing Roy to startle and swerve a bit, that in turn, causing Roy to hit a rather large and deep pothole. _My life can't get anymore embarassing or worse. _ Thought Ed, little did he know, he had just jinxed himself. Roy then, Ed swore to _GOD_, hit the largest pothole in Central. Causing Ed to, temporarily, be thrown into the air, making the rather large coat, courtesy of Alex, open up to show him in his birthday suit to everyone in the car.

Ed yelped, and quickly tried to cover himself. _WHY? _He wondered, was fate being so cruel to him? What had he doen to deserve all this shit? Blushing, he managed to get the coat closed, just as they pulled up in front of Mustang's, rather impressive, house. Or would mansion be a better word to describe it?

"Alright Eddo, Let's go find you some suitable clothes, get your wounds dressed, and hash all this stuff out." Armstrong declared carrying Ed up into the house.

Alex paused, "Ummmmm, Mustang do you have any clothes that Eddo could borrow?"

"I don't think they'll fit ver-"

"Are you calling me short, Colonel Bastard?" Ed said in a dangerously cold voice.

"No Ed, i'm just stating that, my clothes won't fit you well."

Ed looked Mustang over. Trying to see if he was being honest, and not saying that he was so small a microscope couldn't even see him.

"Alright, so?"

"So what?"

"Do you have any damn clothes i could borrow Bastard?"

"Oh, yes. Follow me Alex." Mustang said, starting up some rather elaborate stairs. They started down al long hallway, walking almost all the way to the end, before opening a door. Insid, it appeared to be a room of a young man, a teenager. Roy made his way over to the closet, as Alex et him gingerly on the bed.

"Clothes, clothes, clothes. . " Roy muttered to himself as the shuffled through a couple boxes. "Ah-ha." He exclaimed pulling out a pair of jeans and a Guns N' Roses t-shirt, seeing as it was red, he figured Ed wouldn't make to much of a fuss, about wearing it.

"Alright, Armstrong, would you mind going down the hall to my bathroom to get the First Aid kit. It should be on the second shelf, behind some towels.

"Right, away." And Alex rushed out of the room quickly to find the requested object. Leaving Roy and Ed in a rather uncomfortable silence.

"So . . ." Roy sais, trying to act like his casual self, " why'd you cut me Ed?"

Ed meeting the Flame's eyes quickly, looked down at the floor.

Quietly he said, " Homunculous's wounds heal almost instantly with a red flash. I figured i could figure out who i trust by giving someone a wound, a cut in your instance, and seeing if it would heal that way."

"But why didn't Armstrong not have to be injured? You had him preform alchemy instead. Why?"

"Because, no matter how hard they try, Homunculous's can't preform alchemy. So seeing as the real Armstrong should be able to. I had him preform it instead.'

"But i'm an alchemist Ed. Why didn't i have to prove myself with alchemy?"

"You're the Flame Alchemist. I didn't want you to burn down the building before i was able to escape it."

"oh. i guess that makes sense."

Just as Roy finished his sentence, Alex came back in carrying the first aid kit.

"Would you like to put some underwear on before i mend you up, eddo?"

"Yeah, actually i would." Ed said reaching for the drawers Roy was lending him. It was odd. Even after all he went through. He was still embarassed about wearing another man's fatigues.

"Ummm . . . Would you guys mind turning around . . ." Ed said rather embarassed, and a bit shy. Both alchemist turned around, Roy rolling his eyes as he did so. Ed fumbling a bit, and cursing under his breath managed to get them on.

"Alright." He let out a sigh. _This is going to be interesting. _He thought as both alchemist turned around to get their first real look at Fullmetal. Alex took in a shocked breath at the sight before him. _Oh Eddo . . . _he thougth as he took in the damage before him.

Multiple burn marks, scratches, cuts, and bite marks covered the alchemists upper body. With, also, what appeared to be a bullet would that was slightly healed, but, mostly infected. Ed was looking down in shame, refusing to me either of the questioning looks on the two men's faces.

"E-Ed. . ." Mustang stuttered out as he walked over and kneeled in front of the young man.

"What happened?" He asked quietly, hoping for some response, anything. But Ed just sat there, eyes covered by the bangs in his face.

Letting out a sigh, Roy took the kit out of the large man's hands and set about cleaning out the mostly infected wounds.

"When'd you get shot Fullmetal?"

Ed looks up into the Colonels eyes and said " Riza . . . I mean Envy shot me when he was . . . pretending to be. . ."

Ed looked away from the Bastards face unable to take the pity glance he was shooting at him. He may trust the man to be the REAL Colonel, but that didn't mean he could forget what the evil doppleganger of him had done. . .

* * *

Please review guys, if i get some opinions or comments im more likely to continue the story and get to the good edx? stuff ;)


	6. Coming Undone

Thanks Apple!

* * *

_Why won't he look me in the eyes? What's he not telling me? . . . Do i. . . really want to know the answer_

"Ed? Tell me what happened. What did this Envy guy do to you? Is . . . he really your brother?" Mustang inquired, trying to get some response for the young man in front of him. Trying to make him look into his eyes.

"Hmpf. I'll only answer one of those . . . Yes, Envy really is my brother, in a sense. Hoenheim, my father, created him many, many years ago, after he had died from a 'tragic' accident, or some shit. Envy was originally my father's son. I don't even know his real name, and i doubt Envy knows it either. But he show'd me his real face one day." Ed paused, " he looked just like me, just like my bastard father." Ed whispered. He really didn't want to talk about it yet.

Mustang sighed,seeing the look on the boy's face. It was obvious he didn't want to talk yet. But he would need to tell everyone downstairs something.

"Alright then Fullmetal, turn around and let me see how bad your back is."

Ed hesitated before turning around, he really didn't want anyone to be behind him. Even if it was someone he 'trusted'. Let alone someone who reminded him of . . .

"Fine." Ed whispered as he turned around, making himself st in the middle of the bed indian style. He braced his elbows on his knees, and let his hands hang limply. Hissing as the stretch opened up one of the deeper wounds on his back, causing the warm blood to run down it. It was an odd sensation, one that he didn't want to feel again, or never, for a very long time.

"Damn" Mustang swore under his breath. Picking up a towel he placed in onto Edward's back trying to staunch the blood that was leaking from the woumd. He must of pressed a bit to hard, as he heard a pained gasp come from the boy.

"Sorry Ed."

A mumbled "It's fine. ." was all he got from the boy along with some panting.

Alex looked on at the scene in front of him, a little taken aback. He had _never_ ,in all his years serving with Mustang, _ever_ seen him act this kindly, or caring to another human being. _This is quite odd . . ._ he thought as he watched on. _But he his treating Ed, who is quite young, maybe some fathering instincts are coming through. _ Nah, Mustang's a ladies man. That could never happen.

" Alex," Muatnag called over to the giant man, "would you mind heloing me close this wound up. I honestly have _no_ idea how to go about it."

"Yes, sir. Move over a bit and i'll get right to it."

* * *

_Meanwhile in the kitchen . . ._

Four men were raiding the fridge of their higher-up looking for something edible, a.k.a. nothing expired.

"Uggghh!" Came a frusterated sigh from Havoc. "He obviously doesn't eat. Let's just order-in."

"Fine, but the Colonels paying. I have niether the cash or income to feed all of you men. And Riza." Declared Hughes. "But we should wait until Ed gets down here. He hasn't eaten for a while, we should let him pick what he wants."They all saddly nodded in agreement.

"Boss was really out of it, wasn't he." Breda said, breaking everyone from their own thoughts about the situation.

"Yeah. . . did you see the look in his eyes when he saw us in the hallway?" Replied Havoc.

"He looked completely terrified." Replied Fuery.

"Maybe he was surprised to see us, he wouldn't have any reason to be afraid of any of us. Would he?"

"Well, anyone besides Riza." Havoc said jokingly. "Maybe he was afraid she was gonna shoot his ass for being missing for two, almost three mon-"

"Finished that sentence Havoc, I. Dare. You." Riza was now pressing her favorite weapon against the jaw of the man she thought was quite idiotic at the moment. "Just because i use my weapon around him a lot, and in a more threatening manner doesn't mean that he was afraid of me or is. Well . . . not as afraid as he was. He was absolutely TERRIFIED and I've done nothing to warrant that kind of response from Edward."

"Riza," Hughes interjected, " I believe Havoc was just trying to lighten up the mood, considering how shitty it is."

Havoc sent Riza a pleading look, " It's true Riza, honest to God." Havoc said raising his hands above his head, in a comical manner.

"Fine." Riza grumbled. "But don't balme anyone for this again, even if your trying to make a joke."

* * *

"There you go Ed. All stitched up. But try not to move around so much okay?"

Ed looked up startled, he had barely felt anything.

"Wow Armstrong. How'd you do that so-"

"It's an Armstrong Specialty Passed down for generations!"

Ed and Mustang both sweatdropped. "Okay . . . then."

"Just let me wrap up your chest. Then we can get you into some descent clothing. I'm sure you wouldn't want to go downstairs in you underwear."

"Just wrap me up Alex. I wanna eat sometime tonight."

_Shit! _Roy hadn't gone shopping in almost a month. Slyly he asked, " So Ed . . . what would yo like to eat?"

"Hmmmmmmm . . . . anything but milk and spinach. I'd like comfort food, and a lot of it." Ed smiled, _i bet he hasn't been shopping._

"Alright, I'll just. . . . go get started on that. . ." He proceeded to walk casually out of the room, but as soon as he hit the stairs, he was running. _I don't have much time and what the hell is comfort food? _He rushed into the kitchen to be met by curious and confused stares. He bet he looked ridiculous, running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

"So," Roy said casually, "what the hell is comfort food?"

Hughes let out a sigh, "I'm guessing you asked Ed what he wantd to eat, and then realized you have no food in the house."

"How'd you know that i don't have any food?"

"That's not the point." Hughes blushed, " Comfort food that is something that provides consolation or a feeling of well-being, typically any with a high sugar or other carbohydrate content and associated with childhood or home cooking."

"Ummm... Does anyone know what Ed likes to eat?" Riza asked.

"Well, I asked him that as well and he said nothing with milk or spinach in it."

"Why don't we call Al?"

"NO! He would freak out and wanna come to Central right away, and we just got him to go home. Why don't we just think for a second."

Everyone was deeply consentrating, when Hughes spanned his fingers. "STEW!"

"Ummm. . . Really? I thought stew had milk in it?" asked Breda.

"I don't know what it's made of, but everytime i would invite him over for supper, he would ask if we were having stew! We need to order some in. . . is there such a thing a take-out stew?"

"I don't know but, I'll pay extra." Roy then called at least five places before he could convince anyone to deliver an entire pot of stew. It cost him a shit ton of money, but it was worth it when he came down stairs.

* * *

"Are you ready to go down Ed?" He had gotten really quite after Roy had left.

"Sure..."

"Can you walk or would you like me to carry you?"

"Thanks for the offer but, Hell No. I'll walk thank you."

As he shakily stood, Alex moved closer just in case. "I'm fine Alex." Ed mumbled, but he was most definatly not.

He had a horribly embarassing ache between his legs, from . . . well he realy didn't wnat to say, even to himself. And he could barely breathe thanks, to the baddages around his chest. _Damn, _he thought, _it's like Armstrongs afraid of me moving an inch out of line. _AS he stood up straighter he realized how of balance he was.

"Shit, I'm gonna have to call Winry. . .do you think i can call her now?" He shot a questioning glance towards Armstrong.

"Well I don't see why not."

Ed started to walk towards the door, balancing himself on the wall as he headed down the hallway.

"Did you guys, happen to grab my arm on the way outta . . . there? I hate walking around without it." Ed asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's in the car though. I'll get it after we get dowstairs."

"Thanks..." Ed paused, "Armstrong?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you, for. . . you know." Ed said quietly.

"No problem Ed. I hope you know that we're all gonna be keeping a pretty close watch on you for a while. So this doesn't happen again. I don't think any of us would be able to handle it very well."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well we were all pretty confused when you just left a note. Usually you would call or tell someone before just up and leaving like that. But you didn't even leave a note did you?"

"No. That last thing i remember before. . . is walking towards the corner on fifth. . . and then i woke up in. . ."

"You don't have to explain now Edward, there might be alot of questoins over dinner though."

"That's fine, and I'll answer them the best i can at the moment.''

Ed started walking again hesitating before going down the stairs. About half-way down he smelt something so wonderful, he had thought he had gone to heaven. He started to speed up, but realized walking, or running for that matter, wasn't a very good idea right now . . . considering. . .

"I hate to ask this but would you please get my arm before we eat?"

"Sure Eddo, right away."

Armstrong started for the door as Ed made his way to the kitchen. He didn't want to face them all yet, but he really had no choice.

* * *

As he stepped into the kitchen, everyone turned to look at him. He froze. He knew it was very unlikely that any of them were Envy but he couldn't seem to unfreeze his body.

"Ed?" Roy called.

Ed looked up at Roy, he knew that Roy was Human. _Roy is Roy, Roy is Roy. . . _He chanted to himself as he started to walk towards the sink, the farthest spot from the table. _This is gonna be hard. _He thought as he took a deep breath and braced himself on the counter, turning around, he kept his eyes down, but at least he was facing them.

"Ed, do you want to do the 'test' to them? Would that make you feel better? Or should I?"

"I . . I sh-should. . ." He stuttered out quietly. His demeanor changing from the one he had up stairs. He couldn't seem to help himself from recoiling.

"Are you guys okay with that?" Roy asked, meeting all of their eyes.

"I don't see why we shouldn't be?'' Replied Hughes.

"Yeah, i think we could all do something like that for Ed." said Breda.

Collective 'yes's' were heard from everyone.

"Alright Ed, who should go first?" Roy said softly as he took a pairing knife from the drawer, and walked towards Ed with the handle pointed outward, so he could grab it from him easily.

Edward shied from the knife even though it was Roy who was carrying it. Roy hesitatingly took a step forward, gesturing for Ed to take it, which after a bit of hesitating did.

"Riza, no, Hughes. . . first" he whispered just loud enough for Roy to hear him.

"Okay. Hughes i guess you're up first." Roy looked him in the eye and mouthed _slowly_ to him. They didn't need to be scaring Ed more than he was now. Hughes stoood and at a lesiurely pace made way over to Ed and kneeled down a few feet from him, so Ed could be taller. Ed was startled at this. He was hesitant to make his way over to the man.

"Don't give him a big one like me, just slice the pad on this thumb."

Ed nodded and walked over to him. Hughes offered up his hand to Ed looking into his his face to only find fear and uncertainty.

"Go on." Hughes coaxed."I'd like to eat my stew before it gets cold. And i still have to show you the latest pictures i have of Elicia." He smiled, trying to make Ed feel better. Which it did. Ed then proceeded to cut his thimb deep enough to draw blood, but not enough to scar. He watched it closely, trying to notice anything out of the ordinary. After about thirty seconds, he let go of the hand with a relieved sigh, that was echo'd by Hughes own as he stuck the still bleeding thumb into his mouth, after shooting Ed a massive grin. Edward gave one back. Hughes stood and held out his hand to Ed gesturing him in for a hug. He hesitated momentarily before stepping into the fatherly man's embrace. He stepped out of it quickly and whispered to him, " Havoc next."

"Alright Ed." Hughes turned towards his cooling meal, and motioned to Havoc for him to go next.

"Roy will you do Havoc's?" Ed asked quietly slikning back to his spot by the sink right next to Roy. Roy looked at him curiosly but did as he asked.

"Alright Havoc, hand." He stated as the man approached. He noticed that Ed had shifted slightly behind him, but he was still in eyesight of Havoc's hand. Havoc looked confused at this but, still offered Roy his hand.

"Not to deep." Ed whispered, loud enough for Mustang to barely hear.

"Alright Ed." He said back. As he sliced through the pad of havoc thumb as well. Ed watched closely, even though he was partially hidden from sight.

"What am i watching for Ed?" Roy spoke quietly as to not alarm the alchemist that was almost entirely hidden behind him. _Why was he so scared of Havoc, when he willing tried this out on Hughes?_

"Red alchemic sparkes appearing from the wound, blood disappearing, and the wound gone, no scar, or anything left behind." whispered Ed, as he continued to watch. "He's fine Elric." Roy said turning to look over his shoulder, to try to give Ed a comforting look. Ed just continued to stare at the cut, oblivious to what Roy was doing. _He looks like he's in a trance almost. "_Fullmetal?" Ed finally looked away from the cut to meet Roy's eyes. They were full of fear.

"Ed. . . what's the matter?" Roy turned fully, to face Ed.

"Riza and Breda next. You watch Riza's, I'll take Breda." Ed whispered, looking down.

Roy hesitated onviously there was something bothering him. "Alright Ed if that's the way you want to go about this. That's the way we will. Havoc go finish eating you're good." Roy said turning around to face him, agian. Havoc let out a breath, and then reached into his pocket to fish out the pack he had boughten earlier that day. He really needed to light up.

Roy was about to call out to Riza and Brenda, when he felt Edward grab onto his jacket, like he was holding on for dear life. Roy shot another glance over his shoulder to see Ed shaking, _ the HEll? _"Ed? What's wrong tell me?"

"Burn's. . ." He managed to say it loud enough for only Roy to hear. Roy whipped his head back around to see Havoc lighting up in front of them.

"Havoc's cigarette . . .Oh. My. God."

Havoc turned towards Mustang, and Ed to see a flabbergasted look on Roy's face.

"Colonel? What's up?" Havoc asked innocently.

"Put out the cigarette, private, or go outside at least." Roy said back as he felt Ed rest his forhead against his back.

"You've never had a problem about me smoking bef-"

"Private..." He nodded his head subtly over his shoulder.

Havoc caught on quickly, and left the room quickly, yet, still a bit confused.

As soon as Havoc left then room Edward seemed to instantly relax against mustang. _Envy had shifted into Havoc, and burned him with cigarettes. That explains the burns, is that why Ed was more weary of Havoc and not Hughes? Had Envy not shifted into Hughes? It would make sense._

_"_Alright Hughes would you come up hear a moment you're gonna help me with the reas of this."

"Sure, no problem." As soon as Hughes was next to Roy, he told him quietly what to look for as they proceeded to call Riza and Breda up. Roy Cut both of their thumbs, and let them bleed for a monet. All the while Ed clung to his back like he wouldn't be able to stand without him. _I already knew about Riza, but Breda too? How many people did this guy shift into? And who?_

"Alright Fuery, comeonover you're the last one." Fuery did as Roy said, and he was then tested, same as the others. And Ed still clung to him. _Fuery as well. Damn. His whole team had inadvertedly tortured Edward without even knowing it. Wait. His team. . . Had he tortured Edward as well? _He almost didn't want to know the answer to that question.

"Ed, we're done. Do you wanna eat now thateveryone's been tested or wait a bit." Roy asked quietly.

"Actually," Ed said stepping away from him hesitantly. " I was hoping Armstrong could bring me my arm first, he went out to the car to get it. I wonder where he is?"


	7. Unwell

Thanks for the reviews, i appreciate criticism. I'll try to add more detail to this chapter.

Tell me if you digs it. lol :)

* * *

Armstrong was having one helluva time trying to find the automail arm, that Ed requested. It was almost as if it had disappeared into thin air. Maybe Breda hadn't gotten it. He let out a sigh, _I'll go ask if anyone grabbed it, I'm so sure it was here. _He turned and started up the stairs, that led to the large mahogany doors. As he started to climb, suddenly, a shadow sweeped past his peripheral vision. He whipped his head around. Seeing nothing there. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Had all the sleepless nights of looking for, the now recovered, Edward taken a tole on his mind? He really needed to catch up on some sleep. He started up the stairs again, only to see the same shadow. Something was really up. He turned so he was completely facing the long drive that lead up to Mustang's rather large house. He took out his brass knuckles, slipping them on, as his eyes scanned for any movement. Someone was here, and as far as he was concerned they were a threat.

Hearing a shuffle behind him, he whipped his body around, fist ready to strike. Only to stop a hairs width away from the second lieutenants face.

" uuuhhh, Armstrong wh-whatcha do-in?" Havoc said, more than a little startled to see a mammoth sized fist, that had come so close, to bashing his face in.

"There's someone here." Armstrong spoke quietly.

Havoc's face turned serious. Reaching into his jacket, he quickly pulled out his glock and stepped up beside the alchemist.

"Have you gotten a good look at him?"

"No, he's incredibly fast. He also looks to be a little taller than Ed, but not by much."

"Don't let Ed here you say that. He may be out of it, but his height is not something to joke about." Havoc remarked with a shit eating grin.

"There!" Armstrong called out as a speeding shadow ducked behind the car. Both men turned their weapons and their concentration towads the vehicle.

"Show yourself!" Called Havoc, " and we won't do ya any harm."

* * *

Roy looked at the Lieutenant, she gave a nod and made her way over to the door, gun out. Roy, Ed, and the others crept slowly after her.

"Roy?" Ed asked, still clutching the back of the mans jacket. " What's happened to Alex?" He asked quietly. The man had helped him alot in the past, and he had learned to trust the man in question, almost entirely, over the recent events.

"I'm sure he's just fine Ed. We're just being cautious, wouldn't want to lose something we just gained back." Roy said with his trademark smirk.

Ed blushed, even through all the terrible shit he had been through . . . _I still have feelings for Roy . . . _He knew that is was wrong. A sin. But ever since Roy had rescued him, from his self-wrecking guilt. He had felt a spark for the man, deep within his chest. After he hadn't been able to save Nina. Roy had been there to help Ed pick up the pieces. When he had tried to end his sorrow, tried to end himself. Roy had come just in time to stop the transmuted blade from slicing into the soft flesh of his neck. He had such trust, faith, and support from Roy, he hadn't realized how close, how much he had needed Roy in his life . . . until. Until Envy had stolen the only firm truth, the only hope he had, after getting his brothers body back, he had stolen his trust in Roy. Ed had allowed himself to cry after Envy had left the room that night. . .

*Flashback*

_Roy? He thought. His mind was blurry and he couldn't think, couldn't see straight. Was that really ROY standing in the doorway? Or was this just another sick game, Envy had decided to destroy him with again? The doppleganger walked over and straddled me. This wasn't Roy. Roy wouldn't do this. Roy didn't know. Roy _**_doesn't _**_know. And he never will if i have anything to say about it. _

_THE creature started to strip me of what i had left. "no..." I mumbled out. My voice was hoarse from the screaming, and from dehydration. I had screamed so much, I was faintly surprised that I had managed to squeak that out. _

_"NO. . . " I said louder this time, with more force. I started to squirm underneath him, struggling to keep his wicked eyes from seeing me. Trying to wipe that damn smirk of his face. I couldn't take it, I couldn't take it! The struggling was only opening up my cuts, and doing little to deter the un-godly like strenght of the imposter. _

_"Shhh," he whispered out, " shhhh, it'll be alright. There's no need to be frightened, you trust me not to hurt you right?" _

_This man. NO this horrbile sinning, damnation. He was forcing me to hate evryone i knew. Everyone i trusted. _

_"Why,why, why, why, why, wh-" _

_"Because you had everything that was supposed to be mine. Everything i was supposed to have. That bastard left me with that woman. To meet your whore of a mother, and have a 'happy' life. You ruined my life, the life i was supposed to have. NOW I'M GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING IN YOUR'S!" He shouted as he brutally thrust into me. I screamed, he was tearing me in half! I could feel the blood runngin down my legs. He kept a harsh and unsteady pace. He kept on going, and going, and going. Never stopping. Never cumming, like i was now praying he would. Praying to a god that, would frown on my sins, and Damn me to the depths of hell. Praying to a god that i never even believed in._

_The moment Envy came i was filled, with an embarassing relief, i unknowingly let out a sigh._

_"Seems my little fuck toy is starting to enjoy my visits, huh?" Envy whispered into my ear. I was mortified, i hadn't enjoyed it. Envy ground against our still connected hips, spreading my blood and his essence everywhere. _

_"Would you like to have another go? I'd be happy to oblige. You know how much i like to torture you." He gave me a sadistic grin, morphing back into his original form._

_"NO, no, no, no," I mumbled over and over quietly. I didn't want him to do it again, ever, again. I was starting to lose conciousness when he started to move against me again gently this time, he morphed again, but my gaze faded, as i saw short blond hair and blue eyes look down at me. . ._

_"Brother . .?" He whispered as i passed out, from blood loss, and pure utter self-loathing._

_*End Flashback*_

I whimpered, and let go of the coat in front of me, turning my gaze to the floor. I took a step back. ROy turned and looked at me with a confused gaze. No doubt wondering why i was making my way over to the opening door, he started towards me. So i ran. I ran through the door and out into the fading light of the evening sky. Riza pulled Roy back in with a harsh tug. _Why lose two people. Riza was smart, she knew that i was a lost cause. She new i would never have the fire, or life come back into my dull golden eyes. I had always hated my eyes, the bastards were exactly the same. _

Alex and Havoc shot shocked and worried glances at me, and then they both turned toward the figure, who was now in front of the car.

Oh. My. God. I stumbled back, almost as if struck. I hit the wall behind me, and slid to the floor, unable to take my eyes off the sin in front of me.

"There you are, you little choad! I've been looking all over. Torn through about half of HQ and St. Mary's looking for you. Killed a lot of people, you should feel ashamed running away like that. And you!" He shouted towards Mustang and the others. "You should learn to not take something, that doesn't belong to you!" He let out a roar. "I'LL BE TAKING WHATS MINE!"

* * *

Next chapter. . .

where am i?

why am i so cold?

what's that light?

. . . . . .

all to be revealed soon!

~2ndDegreeLove


	8. Sweet Dreams

Ed stared, petrified. _Envy. . . Envy. . .Envy..._

The only thing running through his mind was the torture. He couldn't do it again. Hell. He hadn't been able to make it through the first time. He couldn't look at his friends now, without pain and mistrust. How would he be able to look them in the eyes if they had to get him again? He couldn't . . . what if he went with him willingly? He couldn't fight. He couldn't even defend himself. And he certaintly didn't want someone else to be hurt trying to. He couldn't have someone else die on him, on his concious forever. Not like Nina. He began to stand, sliding up the wall. He couldn't save one girl. But he could save others. He could save seven other people. His brother would be furious, the normaly sweet tempered boy would kill him for what he was doing. But Al wasn't here. Roy. . . God. Roy, well that didn't matter anymore. He promised himself he would never tell the older man his feelings. And if he went with Envy. . . he would never be tempted to.

"Envy, stop." Ed called out, taking a confident step forward. "I'll go with you, if you swear you'll leave everyone i know and care about alone."

"ED! What the hell do you think you're doing! NO! You're not goin-"

"SHUT UP!" Ed screamed, tears ,that he didn't know he was holding back, finally fell from his eyes. " I can't have any one else die, because of me." He spoke quietly. " I wouldn't be able to live with myself if any of you got hurt, let alone died."

He turned away from the hurt faces and started slowly down the steps. His heart, breaking, with every step. He could feel the last shred of his original self, fade from excistence. When he reached the bottom step, he felt a drop of rain. _How fitting. _ He thought. _The last time they see me, they wont see my tears. _He paused momentarily, and turned his face towards the sky. The heavens opened, and it started to pour. Drenching Ed, and with it washing away anything of himself he had to give. He turned to Envy and walked, without a single stumble towards him. All the while his friends were calling, screaming for ihm to come back, that he was crazy, they wouldn't die, they would help him live. But it was all cast on deaf ears. Ed was gone. Lost to a dark place, where there was no sun, no family, no friends. He was just a shadow of who he really was, and that's all he would ever be. Forever. . .

* * *

Dun, Dun, Dun!

Another chapter tomorrow, cliff hanger!


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